Being in the Moment

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Gautama Siddharta

It’s been a while since I put out a post. I felt stuck in some ways, having not attended as many “for good” events as I have in the past. This meant not being part of as many inspiring things to share with you. And then, I felt a bit guilty that happened.

It’s busy – with kids off in the summer, working on the next book, and running a home-based office while trying to give both work and family the attention they need and deserve. Some days I do this balancing act better than others. More often than not, I find thoughts from both ends of the spectrum distract me and that both suffer a little. Or, if they don’t, then I suffer working late into the night to catch up on things.

Recently I started focusing attention on myself. I haven’t felt that I’m doing my best as either a mom or as a consultant. And the writing? Even when I would sit to work on the one thing that brings me the most joy and relaxation, I couldn’t find where the character wanted to go next. I’ve scrapped several chapters – more than once – trying to get there. Eventually it occurred to me that I needed more meditation to aid the process (especially since the character will need this too).

So, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

And it’s wonderful.

Of the multitude of positive outcomes I’ve received (being led to go back to the chiropractor and to buy one the books my former intuitive development teacher wrote, and to journal more, and many others)  by being more consistent and thoughtful in my meditation exercises, the one lesson I’m embracing is being in the moment.

Instead of worrying about what got done, what should have gotten done, or what shouldn’t have been done (or sometimes said) and instead of wondering what or how tomorrow is going to be, I’ve become really centered on being present in the moment.

And being truly connected to the exact moment in space and time you’re in can cure a lot of issues.

Ever been “in” the room with your kids but not really involved in what they are doing? I noticed I was doing that after my children started becoming very clingy and… noisy, talkative, edgy, agitated,and/or annoyed with one another.  But, tonight there was none of that. I attribute it to being not only “in the moment,” but also being “in their moment.”

I was completely in their company. And it was FUN. We built a great Lego house and made “fancy” pasta and meatballs (which was just good ol’ pasta and meatballs served in some pretty glass bowls – what, mom? No plates??) We then grabbed some items we’re donating, headed outside and my two youngest got to use the hose… and dish soap. When they moved on to cleaning their little house, they were playing so nicely in tandem and neither of them needed me anymore. By being more involved with them, they actually ended up needing me less.

And, when they came back to my moment, they were cuddly, not clingy. Why, they even remembered their manners and had more patience with each other.

Being in the moment is more than just occupying space and spending some time together. Your heart, mind, body, and soul are present and connected to the task or people you are with.  The satisfaction that comes from being this way is immense.

In the end, being in the moment with myself (meditating) and being in the moment with those around me encouraged returning to the blog, brought clarity on a few new ideas for a client, and helped developed the plot I’m working on.  Plus, it required less energy and caused less stress than all the previous hours, days, and weeks spent worrying and concentrating on any of these issues.

Simply Put – Breathe in, believe in, and be in the moment.

I need a Mammogram.

It hit me last night. I haven’t had a mammogram since I was… I don’t know really. Seventeen? Twenty?  I remember having one due to pain in the chest area around my left breast not associated with a heart condition or other diagnosis. The mammogram memory is somewhat faded and I really only remember being slightly embarrassed in my youth by the process.

I’ve been to the doctor. I have four kids. FOUR. Many GYN appointments in my twenties from issues men would rather not read about, so I’ll leave that out (it was all about the cycle, gals). And, let’s not forget those 4 years total of prenatal and postnatal OB/GYN appointments. I’ve even had a LEEP (Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure) done to remove abnormal(not cancerous) cells on my cervix. Doc’s have done their thing and performed the physical breast exam. But, nowhere in there do I remember one saying when it would be time for mammograms. Is it 40? 30? Somewhere in between? Younger?

So, here I am, far enough into my third decade of life that I’d rather not give you the exact number. (You know, we’re as young as we act and feel-so I’m still about 23.) And I haven’t had a mammogram in about 20 years.

I’m like a lot of moms – we put off taking care of ourselves because we’re taking care of our children.  We put things off because other things become a priority. It’s not that I have an it-will-never-happen-to-me illusion. In fact, nothing is further from the truth. While working on the book that’s coming out in a few months (where the main character, 11-year-old Macie, finds her way through life after losing her mother to breast cancer), I fervently hoped I wasn’t writing the premonition of my future- or my memoir to my children. (I have to admit, it’s scary to put that particular fear into writing. I’ve only shared that thought with one other person.)

And that still wasn’t enough to push me to call for a mammogram. What’s wrong with me?

I’ve thought about my abnormal cervical cells and my paternal grandmother’s battle lost with cervical and uterine cancer when I was four. Occasionally wondering if those kinds of things can predispose you to breast cancer or any cancer.

Still nothing. Not compelling enough to make me go get a routine and life-saving mammogram. Seriously?

Then last week, the Komen fiasco happened. The word mammogram was ringing in my ears, threading before my eyes, and running through my brain constantly.

And yet, I still didn’t feel the need to pick up the phone. I was too busy trying to look at both sides and analyzing it from a social media perspective. It might have vaguely crossed my mind, “hey, wild child, isn’t it about time you get that mammogram?” But, the thought was fleeting at best and not enough to create an urge to go.

Even that weird, little, semi-painful twinge that started happening on and off recently in my left breast doesn’t gather much of my attention.

Of course, if I’m really going to be honest, there is that small piece of me that avoids it because – what if?

Then, last night,  the oddest connection did it to me.

What happened to me, by pure coincidence and a timing chance of fate did, in fact, make me want to pick up the phone and get the boobies checked.

A really great blogger and person – @BurghBaby shared a post on Facebook:

I read it, connected three things: 1. Toddler Planet 2. Goodbye  3.inflammatory breast cancer, and I was gliding over the link to read more.

By the end, I am in tears over a woman I have never met, who wrote a blog I’d never read before, and had a form of breast cancer I had never heard of. That was the moment.

“The moment” that it clicked in my brain. I need a mammogram. And maybe, just for good measure, I should mention that twinge to a doctor sometime soon. It’s probably nothing, but it’s really stupid to say, “I don’t want to know because ‘what if’ ” – when the alternative is knowing the ‘if’ too late.

So, through an odd set of circumstances and connections, two people truly touched my life.

Thank you “Burgh Baby” for sharing that post at that exact moment. Thank you, Susan for a moment you are not here to know, but will be forever stamped into my memory. The emotional connection of reading your husband post the Goodbye and the brave blogging about fighting breast cancer gave me the push I needed.

I have a few obstacles in my way, but hopefully I’ll be able to update readers soon on “the mammogram experience.”

Simply Put – I need a mammogram. So do you.

{For more information on inflammatory breast cancer- which does not appear with a lump and can’t usually be detected on a mammogram- go to the Inflammatory Breast Cancer(IBC) Research Foundation.

Through reading Susan’s blog, I found her connection to another great site, Mothers With Cancer. Great links, great stories, great support. It’s places like this site that let you know, even if a mammogram found the worst, there’s always something and someone to give you hope.}